Where does it end

I can't pray. I have no thoughts of sympathy. I don't want to think about it again.

I'm too angry and confused, and feel hopeless and helpless.

Another school shooting.

What is there to say? This isn't the world I want. This isn't the world I was taught to live in, and it's not the one I'm teaching my kids to live in.

I have created my career around bringing more love into the world. Energy healing, writing, officiating weddings...and being a mom and a wife.

I don't get it. Our country is so full of hate, anger and fear.

It's hard to focus on sharing love with the world when there's a little voice in the back of my mind wondering what's next. Are my kids safe at school? Am I safe at the grocery store, or at the movies, or the mall?

What can be done?

Why isn't more being done?

I'm a big believer in the collective consciousness. But there's such a tide of pain there that it's hard for me to swim against it sometimes. Like now.

I don't read the so-called president's tweets. I won't give him that attention.
I don't watch the talking heads debate about the last thing he said or signed.
I don't watch the news report on every act of violence that happened in the country, and none of the acts of peace or compassion.

I stay as focused as I can on my work here.
I do email my politicians regularly and I contribute to causes I support.

But school shootings are the darkest thing. My head isn't in the sand. I just don't know where to put my attention that it will do some good.
Prayers aren't enough.

I believe that there are political factions that want us to feel afraid, so we won't act, and they can use that fear to manipulate us into letting them do what they want. I wonder who is really in charge and how far they reach into senseless events like these. I don't want to give in to that. But, this is a tough test to take.

I don't even know how to end this blog post, so I guess I'll just stop typing right here.